Isolated Russian Arctic weather facility seeks motivated self-starter for position as entry-level data analyst. Responsibilities include tabulation and broadcasting of climate data, light housework and staying alive. Will report to rigid, foul-tempered, homicidal supervisor. Must possess ability to think creatively and remain calm in pressure situations, for example when your supervisor tries to kill you. Must provide own potassium iodide. Typing skills a plus. Starting salary non-negotiable (this is Russia after all).